Having recently finished "American Gods," Neil Gaiman's incredible tale of gods of the old world meeting the gods of the new, my mind of late has been turning around some of our own American mythos and beliefs. Except for the tribal beliefs of the American Indians, many of which go back millennia, we're simply not "old" enough to have much in the way of an entrenched pantheon.

Of course, there are regional legends -- the h'aints of the Smoky Mountains, the tales told in the Louisiana swamps and even the mythical reports of Michael Jackson appearing as a normal human being in California. But when it comes to a nationwide mythos, we just don't have many components.

And then we go and kill off one of the few we DO have.

The legend of Bigfoot has captured the national imagination for decades. The furry fellow has appeared in movies, and even in a memorable (to those of us obsessed with late-night TV) two-part episode of "The Six Million Dollar Man."

Recently, however, after the death of Washington state resident Ray Wallace, the legend has taken what just might be a fatal blow.

Wallace, you see, claimed to his family to have invented the entire Bigfoot legend by having a friend carve a pair of gigantic feet, then using them to walk around and create huge tracks on the ground at his California construction company back in 1958.

As proof, his family exhibited what they say was the original set of "feet," and a smaller set used to mimic a "Lady Bigfoot."

Cliff Lebrecque, however, is a Bigfoot true believer, and he's not taking the Wallace family story lying down. He claims to have seen, and even filmed, the giant primate, and that it was not a man in a monkey suit.

Lebrecque says he's got thousands of Bigfoot artifacts, and he plans to put them on touring display next year after he retires.

Even the realms of academe contain a few true believers. Idaho State University professor Jeff Meldrum said accounts of something like Bigfoot go back to the 19th century.

Whether Wallace invented Bigfoot, or just intensified a legend that already existed, what's the harm in believing? What's more fun: a walk in the woods, or a trek through what might be the territory of a large, furry evolutionary castoff who might have designs on your carefully packed granola snacks?

I say, go out to your local patch of woods this week, between all your holiday shindigs, and look for tufts of hair, disturbed leaves, or any sort of evidence that a hairy critter with Shaq-size feet has been padding around. Believe!

The Christmas Spirit?

Two men in Newmarket, N.H., may have just been looking for a bargain when they picked a local spruce tree to cut down on the sly for their Christmas tree.

What these piney poachers were unaware of, however, was that the tree they swiped had been planted eight years previously in memory of a teen who met a tragic end. Classmates of Keith Tomkinson planted the tree in his memory in a riverside spot at the Elm Street Cemetery in 1994 shortly after he died of a rare disease.

A witness who claimed to have seen the two men chop down the tree reported them to the police, and now Jeremy Hamel, 23, and Herbert Summers, 21, are to be charged with theft.

Don't feel guilty about chuckling at this story. The way I see it, Keith's probably peeking down at Jeremy and Herb sitting in a cell and having himself a fine belly laugh.

And the moral of our story, boys and girls? Buy your own freakin' tree!

Free The Beans!

A few months back, I brought the totally unsurprising news that the wacky folks of Berkeley, Calif., were considering passing an ordinance requiring that all coffee sold within the city limits be from politically correct sources.

The PC java would have had to be made from certified fair trade, shade-grown or organic coffee. Any coffee bar or lunch counter daring to dispense good old Folger's or, heaven forbid, Maxwell House would have faced fines and jail time for employees.

I come this time bearing happy news! Having gotten a good look at the prices of so-called "fair trade" beans, the coffee-drinking populace rose up and defeated the proposition, with a resounding 70 percent of the town voting against.

Better be careful, Berkeley. Next you'll start wearing leather shoes and enjoying cheeseburgers on the sly.

Well, that'll wrap it up for this week. I'm off to finish my shopping and buy a pair of giant wooden feet. I'll see you all back here in two weeks for the Weird Year In Review!

As ever, I look forward to hearing from any and all of you. Drop me a line anytime!